Mirren Mad Awards 2006

Young Player of the Season: Chris Smith. Young goalkeepers have generally been crap at Love Street over the past few years (Derek Scrimgour and Kris Robertson), so it was a change that this one was superb when thrown in at the deep end. Played superbly in the cup semi against Morton and was unlucky to be dropped when Tony Bullock arrived.

Old Player of the Season: Kevin McGowne. Like Potter, Captain Chaos went about his business quietly and didn't have too many nightmarish moments. Also managed to score two winners against St. Johnstone in the space of a few days!

Most Improved Player: Simon Lappin. It's fair to say that 2004/05 wasn't Simon's best year for Saints, and he probably wouldn't have been too badly missed had he been released. However, he was a different player last season, scoring a few goals and providing some dangerous crosses.

Goal of the Season: Simon Lappin v Stranraer. A great strike from distance into the top corner, not bad for his weaker foot!

Owen Goal of the Season: Kevin James v Queen of the South. Great header that won us the league.

Match of the Season: St. Mirren 2-1 Hamilton, Bell's Cup Final. Easy to go for a cup final, but this was actually a really good game. Saints dominated the first half, Hamilton had the better of the second, and it ended up being quite close.

Performance of the Season: St. Mirren 3-0 Motherwell. A superb performance from every Saints player, more of that next season please.

Moment of the Season: Billy Mehmet's goal v Dundee. No brainer this one. Just a few minutes after news comes through that we're champions, Billy strikes his first Saints goal and gets the party started.

Signing of the Season: All of them. Hard to pick out who was the best signing, whether it be John Sutton for his goals, John Potter for his brilliance in defence, or Charlie Adam for his flair.

Disappointment of the Season: Losing to Gretna. In a season of triumphs, not beating Gretna and making it to Hampden is the only real disappointment. But let's not be greedy.

Best Decision of the Season: Charlie Adam's goal v Clyde. Despite a clear hand ball in the build up, none of the officials saw a problem with the goal. It also annoyed Graham Roberts. Well done!

Best Performance by a Former Saint: Mixu Paatelainen. After taking over at Cowdenbeath, the big Finn guided them to the third division title, beating former Saints boss John Coughlin on goal difference.

Surprise of the Season: Clyde. Tipped by many for relegation, they defied the odds and managed to finish mid table, and also managed to beat Celtic.

Crowd Moment of the Season: "The goalie's in McFly". Fantastic moment in the 2-0 game at Dingwall. At half time, Ross County changed to a rather young looking goalkeeper, leading to the Saints fans singing this song to the tune of "St. Mirren Till I die."

Now for the not so sensible awards...

Best Jose Mourinho Impression: Graham Roberts. After the game on 2nd January, the Clyde manager produced a fine display of dummy spitting, claiming that we were only the top of the league because we were divers and that they were better than us. That's why we beat you four times. It's still funny reading it, so imagine how hard I had to try to keep a straight face when I was listening to him say it!

Hypocrit of the Season: Kevin James. The lanky freak has been fouling players and getting away with it for years, so it was rather ironic when he went mental at the referee for not giving a foul when Stewart Kean apparently nudged him. Second place goes to Graham Roberts, who moaned about a Gretna player making inappropriate signals to the crowd. Mr Pot, have you met Mr Kettle?

The Father Ted "That Money Was Just Resting in My Account" Golden Cleric: Somebody at Clyde. Was it Roberts, Weeeeeee Joe Miller, Jens Paeslack or Old Man Withers, who'd have gotten away with it if it hadn't been for Clyde's pesky kids. Whoever it was, some money has been going missing for Clyde and I'm always reminded of that Father Ted moment.

The "For One Month Only" Trophy: Mark Corcoran. Had it not been for January, you'd have hardly noticed that Coco was at Love Street. However, three goals (OK, one was on the last day of December) and a superb performance against Motherwell in the cup meant everyone noticed him, for a time at least.

The "He's left us so must be crap" Award: Dundee fans. Apparently John Sutton was static and useless, whilst Iain Anderson is also not very good. This follows in the footsteps of the St. Johnstone fans, who said Mixu and Mark Reilly were terrible and Ian Maxwell wasn't that great.

The Dr Gillian McKeith We'll Swallow Any Pish Award: The Scottish sports media. Whether it was believing whatever Spartans were saying or actually believing that Gretna's success really is all down to some no mark manager rather than a load of dosh, the Scottish sports media showed they are willing to believe anything if it's a good enough story. I look forward to joining their ranks in the near future.

The Silver Sandpit for Best Ostrich Impression: Clyde fans. "Oooh no, that Mr Roberts is a nice man, how dare you suggest he has a dodgy background". Oops...

The Oscar for Script Writing: Billy Mehmet. Having endured a nightmare season thanks to measles, injury and places on the bench, it was fairytale stuff when Billy's first goal was five minutes from the end of the Dundee game to seal the league. Mind you, everybody had been saying for weeks that he'd score the goal!

The Mystic Meg Golden Ball for Predicting the Future: Me. Aside from the rather obvious prediction that it would be Billy Mehmet who scored the goal that won us the league, I also reckoned we'd score against Airdrie. Allow me to explain. I spend half the season doing junior reports around Edinburgh. The day before we played Airdrie I found out I was to go to Penicuik. Last time I'd been there we beat Ross County 4-0, so I jokingly suggested to someone we'd do it again. I wasn't far out!