It's a yearly tradition (unless I'm busy) that sees me try to crack some lame jokes and fill some space during the close season. So, without further ado, let's get start with...
Player of the Year: Jack Ross. The White Cafu. Brilliant in defence, good at crossing, willing to get forward and take shots. How he only ended up with one goal is a mystery. Pretty intelligent for a footballer, media tart, children's author - is there anything this man can't do?
Young Player of the Year: Stephen McGinn. Not much competition with David Barron and Marc McAusland hardly featuring. Stephen did well considering he was played out of position most of the time. Only one goal, but a memorable one against Rangers. Next year should be his breakout season.
Most Improved Player of the Year: Hugh Murray. Despite being a club legend, it looked as if Shuggy's career was over 12 months ago - and even a few months into the start of this season. However, he knuckled down, forced his way back into the side and never looked back. His absence was clearly noticeable during his inevitable suspensions.
Goal of the Season: Andy Dorman v Motherwell. April was a one man goal of the season competition for Andy, with stunning strikes against Rangers, Hibs and Motherwell. The latter wins it because it's not the sort of thing you normally see from a Saints player.
Performance of the Season: Everyone in the 2-0 win over Falkirk. After going bottom midweek, we looked doomed. Two games to go, a defeat would have sent us plunging into the abyss. We'd one just once all year, but everyone put in the performance of their lives. It was 2-0 going on 6-0 and all but secured our SPL status. The best performance by a Saints team in years.
Signing of the Season: Jack Ross. There was much concern when David van Zanten left last summer, but it's now a case of "David who?" thanks to Jack's performances.
Worst Signing of the Season: Mo Camara. Useless at Celtic and now useless with us. A disaster waiting to happen every time he stepped on the pitch and was hooked in three games before Gus MacPherson eventually realised he was useless. Tom Brighton hardly played - but at least he couldn't cause chaos sitting in the stand!
Highlight of the Season: Beating the Old Firm. Doing it once in a season is unlikely, doing it twice is incredible. The Celtic game was a good performance - especially after they'd humped us a week before - while the Rangers win was memorable at Love Street.
Lowlight of the Season: League form in 2009. Two wins from a ridiculos number of games was awful.
Best Decision of the Season: Gus MacPherson dropping John Potter. It took a while to come, but when it did our defence looked solid and we destroyed Falkirk.
Worst Decision of the Season: Eddie Smith giving Celtic a penalty. Eerily similar to last year's award. How on earth a foul on Will Haining by Celtic's Dutch bloke with the long name was a Celtic penalty and a Haining red card is a mystery. Special mention to Willie Collum for twice deciding only to book keepers who nearly killed Craig Dargo.
Surprise of the Season: Hearts not sacking a manager. Csaba Laszlo got Hearts to third, why hasn't he been sacked?
Paul McKnight Memorial Trophy for Services to the NHS: Take your pick from Tom Brighton, Steven Robb, Craig Dargo and Stephen O'Donnell. All spent the majority of the season injured, woth Dargo the only one making any real contribution.
The Only Here Because No One Else Was Able to Come Award: Jim Hamilton and Dennis Wyness. No one would have dreamed of putting these two together, yet injury saw it happen during December - and we won every game. Suspension saw it happen in the cup and we won 3-1!
Best Mutley Impression: Mark McGhee. When he wasn't grinning like Dick Dastardly's side kick, he was usually moaning after we'd beaten them and trying to claim his team was miles better than us diddies.
Special Irish Tricolour for Poorest Celtic Fan Disguise: Pat Nevin. Most people praised the pitch at our new ground - until we played Celtic. Suddenly, we Pat decided it was fiery and bobbly because a player of Shunsuke Nakamura's quality never played a bad pass unless the pitch was dodgy.
Special Union Jack for Poorest Rangers Fan Disguise: The Scottish Media. Ahead of our semi-final against Rangers, suddenly there were stories all over the place linking Andy Dorman with a move to Ibrox in a bid to unsettle him.
Services to Comedy Award: Celtic. It doesn't matter how difficult it is, if they can get knocked out of the Champions League by losing away from home, they'll manage it. They even managed to be more amusing than Rangers' pitiful effort to make the group stages!
The Egg on Face Golden Spatula: Kirk Broadfoot. Even funnier than the above, but deserving of a special award on it's own. A microwaved poached egg exploding in a footballer's face - you couldn't make it up.
Best Performance by a Former Saint: Chris Iwelumo. Ignore the miss against Norway, the big man helped take Wolves into the Premiership.
That's almost all the awards for this year. In the next few days Mirren Mad will be announcing the winner of its other player of the year award, which is voted for by the site's users. Don't miss it!