I am, of course, joking. Taking anything from tomorrow's match would be a pretty good achievement. However, if we defend like we did against Dundee United then we could be in for an absolute hammering.
It looks likely that Saints boss Gus MacPherson will not change the side that lost to United, meaning calamity duo Kirk Broadfoot and Chris Smith will keep their place in the side. Quite what they need to do to be dropped, and what Tony Bullock and Ian Maxwell have done to be so far out of the first team picture, escapes me.
On the injury front it looks like Brian McGinty, Alex Burke and Iain Anderson with a wide variety of injuries. Despite the relatively poor run of form, it's unlikely there will be any major changes, so the likes of Simon Lappin and Andy Millen will keep their places for the time being.
Tomorrow is the first chance Saints fans have to boo Paul Hartley. Ever since the midfielder played against us in his Hamilton days he has been hated by the Love Street faithful. The result of this is that he is always booed, and then always plays a blinder and scores. Along with Alan Main, he also helped get us relegated when he got himself sent off after helping St. Johnstone to a 2-0 lead of Dundee United in 2001. United won 3-2 and Saints were as good as down.
If you think that conspiracy theory is far fetched, it's nothing compared to the one Hearts fans have about us. It goes back far further too, to 1986 in fact. With one day of the season remaining, Hearts needed a point from a trip to Dundee whilst Celtic needed to hammer us at Love Street to have a hope. They duly won 5-0, with many Hearts fans believing Saints lay down. Thats the Saints who had a former Rangers goalkeeper and a former Rangers player as manager. The fact that Hearts were drawing at Dundee with about twenty minutes left before losing 2-0 is often overlooked.
These conspiracy theories should make tomorrow's match even more interesting than usual. If you want a third one, there's always Mad Vlad Romanov picking the Hearts team, but I'm not sure quite how much of a conspiracy theory that is...